Fostering... could I love him more?

I haven't been on here in months and I don't know if anyone ever comes around here anymore to see if I've posted an update, but hi!

In a week our first foster son, B-man, will have been gone for two months.  We haven't seen him in two months.  No bumping into him at Walmart.  No phone calls.  No visits at the park...  We miss that 7 year old.  His grandma talked like she'd want us to stay a part of his life because she knew he'd have gotten attached to us but.... well it was all talk.  I've tried asking to meet for lunch and such and she doesn't respond.  I friend request her on facebook and she accepts only to then block me later that day.  I don't understand her, but clearly she doesn't want us to be any part of B-man's life anymore.  I know she gets my text messages only because when it has to do with the school having contacted me instead of her (she thinks she's finally got that straightened out) she replies to those messages.  I took a bag of stuff B-man left behind to the DHS office the other day, and she replied to say she got it.  I'm hoping she actually gave everything in it to him, one of which being a photo album of his time spent with us.  Oh-well, guess I really need to just move on.....

Daks is 3months old now!  As everyone says, he's getting so big!  It's kind of funny, and annoying, how people just pass by you and as they pass say "He's growing.".  They don't wait for a response or anything but if they did I'd probably end up being sarcastic.  Yes he is!  Thank you for noticing!  You're very observant.  That's what they do!  I'd be worried if he wasn't....  Little Daks is 12lbs something now and compared to the 5lbs 13oz he was when we got him, yeah he's getting big.  Our little boy is growing up.

He's a little thumb sucker now, likes to suck his right thumb as he falls asleep.  He's tasted vanilla pudding, banana pudding, ice cream, icing, baby oats, baby bananas, and mashed potatoes.  He has liked everything he's tasted and prefers the mashed potatoes with gravy.  We've been careful to only give him a taste of most things so we don't upset his little belly, though he's been getting more baby oats now since he enjoys them and they don't seem to cause any problems (he's had a tablespoon at most in a sitting).  Enough about food...  Daks is sleeping through the night now!!!  He was sleeping a lot, but now I think he's settled into 8hours.  Now if only those 8hours didn't start at 8pm....  We're working now on moving him out of our bedroom and into the big crib that we've set up for him in his own room.

We have not taken on anymore foster kids yet.  We have another crib/toddler bed we were going to set up but when we went to put it together discovered we don't have any of the hardware to do so.  I'm sure it wouldn't take much to figure out what size screws and bolts we need to get that done, but who knows how long it'll take us to get around to that...  So currently our only beds are the mini crib in our room that Daks has been sleeping in, and the big crib/toddler bed that Daks is working on being transferred to sleeping in.  Until we get that other bed put together I suppose we'll continue to say no to placement calls.

I hope we get to keep Daks....  We love this little guy soooo much!  We've already picked out a different name for him for if we get to adopt him, but who knows how long it will be until we find out if we actually get to keep him or not.  My heart hurts not knowing, so I try not to think about it.  I don't wish so much anymore that I were pregnant right now, but to have a child that I know I get to keep.... Surely a bio child wouldn't come with such uncertainty, right?  I'd love to tell Daks that he's mine without knowing legally he isn't...

On the flip side I worry about Daks bio mommy.  I want her to straighten up and get her life back in order.  I want her to want her son back and show it through her actions.  I see her and I see a lost soul.  She looks like someone with no hope in life.  I want to give her hope... but how?  I don't know what to say to her that would.  So I pray for her and don't tell her that I do....  My heart hurts for her as well.