Update

We still have Daks, he's 5months old now.  And we have a 3year old boy I have nicknamed Ronny for your sake.  Ronny has been with us almost two months now.  I love these kids sooooo much!  But it's starting to dawn on me just how temporary these kids may be in my house.  I think when/if this months cycle comes around it'll be emotionally harder on me than it has been in a while.

You see I wasn't thinking about pregnancy when I was getting up several times a night to feed newborn Daks.  I wasn't thinking about pregnancy when we were working on moving Daks out of our room because he was starting to sleep through the night.  I wasn't thinking about pregnancy when Daks got his first tooth, or his second.  I wasn't thinking about it when he got his first shots.  And I wasn't thinking about pregnancy when Daks' parents were not coming to visits for such-n-such reasons.  No instead I was dreaming up what we might change his name to if we adopted him...  In fact we did pick out a name and started calling him that at home, completely losing sight of the fact that his parents need our prayers, that it's not hopeless for them to turn their lives around, that there is still a chance he will return home - and that home isn't ours.

As a foster parent I'm supposed to do what I can to support reunification.  Picking out a name?!  It doesn't matter who planted the thought of picking out a name already in our heads, the fact is I knew better than to listen to those thoughts.  And after probably a month of calling him something else at home... we're back to calling him his actual name all the time because we should never have tried to switch our thinking.

Know what brought me back to reality?  Daks bio-mom is doing good now.  It's looking hopeful for her now.  She's not ready to take him back just yet, but she still has time.  And there for a while the better she would do the more my sinful nature would come out in thoughts wishing her to fail so I could selfishly keep her child for myself.  Talk about some thoughts not coming from God!  No God was poking us in the side going "Hey, I love her too. She's lost and I want her to come home to Me. Yes she messed up, but how many times have you? I forgave you over and over again, why can't I forgive her?  You need to forgive her and get over it, there's a bigger picture here than just your desire for a child."