.....Cycle Day 7.....
I'm sitting in church and the question for prayer requests comes up. All I could think about was how this Wednesday afternoon I have a doctors appointment for infertility. How it will be my first step in finding out why I haven't had any children yet. About how much I am dreading it and how uncomfortable I think it will be.... And I get this sinking feeling in my stomach.... I have all these worries about my appointment and I feel like I could definitely use some prayer.... But what happens when everyone hears why I'm going? The sinking feeling gets worse as each person tells their prayer requests... I feel like I've got this horrible confession to make... "I'm infertile"...
Will people look at me differently if they know? Will they tell me how "young" I am? I don't want to hear their advice. I don't want to hear all the "everything will happen when it's meant to". I just want them to know I need them there for me, and that they are thinking of me, and praying for me....
So I mention to Jared my prayer request, and he asks if I want him to announce it. I tell him yes. So Jared raises his hand and tells everyone I have a doctors appointment on Wednesday. Thankfully no one asked why, so he didn't tell. And that was it. Part of me wanted everyone to know why.... yet then again... part of me definitely did not..
But then after service a lady asked me "When are you due?". Thankfully I didn't have to answer her question because my friend Cherish over heard and cut in to answer for me. The lady had confused me with Cherish's other friend, Dakota, who just recently found out she's pregnant. It hurt hearing the lady say things like "Well they've been married a while, haven't they? What are they waiting for?". And I think I heard Cherish say something of us trying....
I sat there wanting to cry as all I could think of now was... If I would have said in my prayer request why I was going to the doctor... If I would have just let out my secret and made my confession.... I wouldn't have been asked this question.... And... Would telling everyone have hurt less?