So its been about a year and a half since my visit to the ob/gyn for my exam. I explained to her that we had been trying for 3 years without any luck. She thought with it being that long trying that something must be up. She informed me at that point of the first tests she would want done in finding an answer, several blood tests, a semen analysis, and an HSG. Well I waited. I procrastinated. Maybe I thought it could still happen on its own. Whatever the reason, I didn't start moving forward with any of that until this last new years.
Around new years I got all the blood tests she wanted from me taken. All my hormones seem to be fine! And I thought I'd have an explanation for all my moodiness, lol. Next step was to get Jared's test done. Now I'm not a fan of getting my blood drawn, but a semen analysis is a lot more personal. And a lot more, holy cow we're infertile. Anyways... With Mother's Day approaching with still not being a mom... Well my motivation increased. I called my doctor and she informed me that she couldn't write me a request for that since it had been over a year since seeing me. Her clinic, and the lab where we have to get the analysis done, are both out of town. So we made an appointment with our local doctor and he has now sent the request to the lab for us. One step at a time... we're getting things done... With our vacation coming up next week, our plan is to get the test done on the 21st. Partly picking that day because its a Friday and it'll start our weekend early. I think after the test we'll have a night on the town, go out to eat, maybe see a movie... We'll make it a good day somehow.
After we get the analysis done I'll make an appointment with my ob/gyn. We're going to see about having a fertility work up done. Not sure what all that entails, but I suppose we'll find out. I've heard the HSG is an expensive test, hoping we can skip over that for now, or maybe pay off the bill a little at a time. I really don't look forward to having the HSG done. The regular female exam is bad enough, I don't want someone shooting dye in me. As I've told Jared, at least none of his tests so far require him being violated. Bleh.
Anyways.... I've been working on keeping track of my BBT. I'd tried doing that before, but hadn't worked out a good method for doing it constantly. Then the battery died in my thermometer, lol. I thought using the OPK's would be good enough, but last I talked to my doctor they want me to bring in my BBT charts. Now I should have at least two months worth of charting to bring in. I think when I call to make my appointment I'll ask if two month worth is enough to bring or if I need more for them to see. Looking at last months, I definitely ovulated. This month hasn't happened yet, but I'm expecting it any day now. Now that I've got the hang of this BBT stuff, its actually kinda interesting. =)
So yeah, that's the update about how we're doing. My friend Cherish is very big and pregnant, due the 8th of July, but she won't last until then. She starting to have signs already that the baby'll be coming soon. Her midwife is close to putting her on bedrest. She has to make it at least 36 weeks or the midwife isn't allowed to do the delivery, the hospital will. So that means almost two weeks to go at minimum (hopefully). I'm clinging the the last few moments I have with Cherish being the mother of only Ellie. Even though she is obviously pregnant, even though we talk about her pregnancy, even though there is no way to deny that she is about to have another child..... A good part of me tries to ignore it. Two years ago Father's Day Cherish found out she was pregnant with Ellie. Last Father's Day they celebrated with their little girl. This Father's Day has a good chance of being their second child's birthday. I've been along beside them every step for their first two kids, and I have yet to have my own. I feared the day she would be pregnant with her second before I would be with my first. Now I fear her third coming before mine. After this current one is born, maybe an HSG wont sound so bad after all.
I'm just so tired of waiting!!!! So tired of being jealous of what other's get to experience and I don't. So tired of... of infertility. Why does longing for a child have to hurt? LORD I want it to be my turn... Please? I want sooo many kids... But I'll settle for one! At least one LORD, please? If there is something wrong with us, LORD, please help us to find out right away. LORD may it be something we can fix. May it be something we can afford. May You supply the funds for whatever it may be. Everyone keeps telling me they are praying for me. LORD people keep informing me I'll be a mom some day. But LORD? I don't know that. Why must this desire to be a mom be so great? If I'm not meant to be a mom... take this desire away...
