Do you ever come up with your own words to a tune stuck in your head? I often do. One of the things I've come to like about charting my temperature is when my temp drops the morning I'll start my period. A nice little heads up that it's coming.
The day my temp dropped I started singing:
*to the tune of the Cup song*
When it's gone. When it's gone,
I'm gonna miss hope when it's gone.
I'm gonna miss my high temperatures,
I'm gonna miss a hope a baby's there, oh,
I surely miss hope when it's gone.
My hope is gone. All hope is gone.
This month's chance is over, past, and done.
Maybe some hope will return.
Maybe it'll finally be my child's turn, oh,
I surely miss hope when it's gone.
And then the next day I'm singing:
*to the tune of Carrie Underwood's, I'll See You Again*
I will see hope again, whoa
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, oh
'Til I see you again
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh....
Sometimes I feel my heart is breaking
But I stay strong and I hold on cause I know
I will see hope again, whoa
This is not where it ends
I will carry you with me, yeah, yeah
I was five days late this month. Hope was starting to build. I started picturing how I would make our announcement. There was a baby dedication coming up at church and I thought "If I am pregnant this time around, maybe I should wait a few more days to test so our announcement doesn't out shine the baby dedication." Funny the kinda thoughts you have.... I just kept praying that if we were not, that I would start before taking a test. Jared wanted to buy one that Friday, being payday and all. Friday morning I started.
Sunday one baby dedication became two, became three. Three baby girls were dedicated at church. We went to the family gathering afterwards. I pretty well zoned out the entire time. On the car ride home the emotions hit me. Ever feel like everyone around you is going to have kids and you'll just be sitting there watching and never be one of them?
Two of my friends here have had 2 kids in 2 years, I don't think I can handle a third! Of course I don't think they could handle a third so quick either, but that's not the point.
My mother talks about how she doesn't know if God plans to give her any more. (Remember I have 6 younger siblings, youngest is 3). And mom talks about how she's trying to get in better shape just in case because she feels her body couldn't handle another pregnancy right now.
My sister-in-law and her husband are starting to think about kids. They don't want any yet... but I can tell by recent conversations with them that kids are on their mind. That's closer than they've ever been to having kids before... And what if they decide they want them now? What if they decide to quit "not trying" and just see where things go... and.....
A friend of mine has just gotten engaged! Due to married next June. She could get pregnant right away.
I know things keep getting further and further out, but that's how my thoughts are now. My sisters are getting older! One's 22, one's 18, one's 16.... They aren't even interested in anyone, but them having kids one day seems like it's closing in on me. We're going on 5 years. How in the world are we going on 5 years already?? A lot could happen in the next five years. I could have a child, I could have more than one, we could be sitting exactly where we are now still watching from the sidelines while everyone else has theirs..... I'll be entering my 30's. It sounds so old! Not that I think 30 is old, but I just pictured me having kids early 20's and now I'm already in the mid 20's, what if I pass late 20's too? If I had known when I first got married I wouldn't have kids until after 5 years or more, would I have started the process for adoption by now? I wonder....
