I grieve and I grieve. I grieve at the thought that I miss the others. I grieve wondering when I'll ever see them again, and will they remember me? I grieve at the thought that they could return, that it's a possibility, because history says it's always a possibility. I grieve thinking of parents losing their kids, and kids losing their parents and everything they currently know. I grieve, I truly grieve over that this time. I want them to make it. I'm sick and tired of seeing them fall. I want the trauma and the drama to be over, done, finished. I want stability for them and us both. And I want things to be good between us and their birth parents and all the kids in-between. And I grieve because it's not, it's not good between us. Radio silence again. But I get it, I understand. I understand just wanting to put all this in the past. Just move on and pretend all this stuff never happened. Isn't that what I do? Try to pretend life before us didn't happen? On the day-to-day, let's just not really think about it and move on, you're here now. Maybe on the day-to-day they'd like to forget that they haven't always had all those kids (and there's others out there they don't have now). Forget that adoptions have happened. Forget that they've dealt with foster care. Forget that the kids they have now used to call someone else mom and dad...
I grieve because every time it happens, it hurts more. It leaves deeper wounds that'll scar. Leaves longer lasting memories, because every time people are older and remember more. I grieve. How will they ever trust something will last? I'm not sure how I would... But God's got this. He's in control. And as I grieve, I hope and pray. I hope and pray that it is over this time. That the trauma and the drama are done, finished, and won't come back. I pray for good friends for their birth parents, and that they'll have a church family who loves them. I pray they'll have people in their lives who understand and have made it to the other side who pray for them, encourage them, and help them on the days when it's hard and they want to give in.
Satan is good at what he does y'all, he's been deceiving people from the beginning telling them just a little won't hurt. Just this once will be okay. Just... fill in the blank. I'm tired of his lies!!!!! Their birth parents have fought hard to get those kids back this time, to get to where they are at today. IF they fall again? It is NOT because they have chosen something over those kids, it's because they've listened to a lie that says they can have both; their kids and whatever has caused them to fall before. I don't want them to have what they have worked so hard to overcome, to overcome them again. I want them to be MORE than overcomers. I want them to SHUT UP whatever whispers come into their minds that say those things are okay, because they are not. Don't give it a foothold again. Or anything else for that matter that's not good for them that might "seem" like a better option. I'm tired of Satan getting in their head, and whoever has brought them down that road leading them down it again and again. I want that trauma and drama over with, I hope and pray that it already is.
Lord I pray, help them. I pray, as I grieve, help them dear God to make it this time, amen.