Just one more day.
Just one more time.
One more sunset maybe I'd be satsified.
But then again,
I know what it would do,
I'd still be wishin' still for one more day with you.
I know that song has to do with someone who has passed on, but I look and I wish my 3 year old was still 2. I wish my 1 year old wasn't 1. I wish for old times. Those times that were so ordinary and so common place that they didn't seem like they'd ever end, and then one day... they did.
Family bicycle rides as a kid, coasting down the big hills on my bike, riding the paths behind the corn fields alongside the metrolink, looking back in my little mirror on my handlebar to see if the group is all still together; I would ride in front, dad in the back, younger siblings in the middle, we'd all catch up at the next corner or road crossing, see if dad wanted us to keep going straight or not....
Game nights at our friends house. My husband and friends of ours all playing D&D while I'm falling asleep on the couch... I'm not a night owl, the fun always started to happen pass my awake hours, lol.
Wednesday nights at the old church....
Reading stories with our 10 year old foster daughter.
Playing checkers with our first foster son.
Late nights with my brother and sister-in-law watching movies and playing video games.
Just so many things that seem like days like that, times like these, those moments... they'll never end, there'll always be another, there... They do! People move. People get pregnant. People get older. People get divorced. People die. People.... things change.
I would love to see my old 3 year old so bad. He actually turned 4 before he left, and now he's almost 6. He was the first kid who ever called me "mommy". He was precious. I love and miss him so much. He got adopted and is doing great, and I'm friends now with his new mama on facebook, but it's not the same and it never will be. He knows we talk. I get to see him grow up from a distance via pictures. Once she even recorded a video that he made just for us to tell us hi and to let us know how him and his brothers are doing. But if I ever see him again, it won't be the same. I will never get a running hug from him again with him saying "mommmmmy". Never.
My Darrell is 3 now, he's adopted, he's not going anywhere. But he's growing up. I am painfully aware that he's getting bigger. He's getting heavy. I won't be able to carry him much longer, it's starting to hurt my arms to hold him for very long. I don't want to put him down yet, and it breaks my heart. I want to cherish ever last time. I want to cherish every little thing about the boy he is today, because he won't be that way much longer. Same goes for my James, I don't want to miss out on anything. I want to treasure these days now before they are gone.