Yesterday I was woke up the best way possible. Slept in and was awakened by our 3 year old running into our room, climbing up on our bed, and giving me a kiss on the cheek. To think the first thing he thought to do after waking up was to come and give his mama a kiss.... It makes me so happy I just want to cry.
Then last night we were all sitting on the couch watching a movie together. My almost 2 year old was snuggling with me! He's just started to snuggle, and I love it! He's such a waller-bug. He likes to do that whole up-down up-down game and... I don't play that game. You either want to sit with me, or you don't! Stop coming up just to get down right away! Anyway.... Last night he sat with me snuggled up on the couch for quite a while, all nice and content. Love my family.
And then... Then the movie was over and I had to use the bathroom and... my period. All the cruddy yucky feelings that come with menstrual cycles all showed up right away and I just felt... yuck. I felt yuck and depressed. I went from feeling blessed to depressed just, bam!, like that. We just had our 10th anniversary which means we've officially been barren 10 years.
I love my family. I love my kids. I'm "ok" not being pregnant right now. I'm... I have to keep rewinding to that good morning kiss. This is a good life. I have a good life. If "my time" never comes, it's still a good life. God has blessed me soooo much! When my son came to my room and gave me a kiss I thought of the verse that says, "Her children rise up and call her blessed." And you know? I think that's exactly what that was! His little 3 year old self woke up and blessed me. That means I must be doing something right, right? Or maybe that was an extra blessing from God because He knew that my starting my cycle that night would depress me and I needed that kiss to look back on. Either way....
I am a blessed mama; barren or not, I am a blessed mama. And I praise God for that.
