One of the things God has been telling me lately, is that I'll have my own story. My own. My story won't match those of anyone I know, and mine won't be the same as anyone else's either.
I'm currently watching two foster family stories unfold in real time, both of which I see myself in their shoes so very badly. I feel as though I'm reliving things that have happened to us before, or seeing an image I've imagined happening to us happening for real to someone else. They feel so us and our family and I want to say something, but my words are lost as I remember.... that's not us. And the lessons I learned when it was us? They'll have to learn them for themselves. I can't promise things will turn out in anyway that they did for us, because they might not for them. And I don't need to burst bubbles of hope they have for things that may not happen at all like they hope because they didn't/wouldn't have for us.
I look at their stories, and I want for them like I wanted/want for us. How I wish OUR cases had gone, I wish it for them. But we're not the same. Our stories won't match. And how their stories end might not be anything like how ours does. And ours? I still don't feel like it's over. And is it? The foster stuff? Is it truly over? I don't know. Not really.
Our doors are closed, we're not a foster home anymore, we're no longer licensed. But I also know if anything ever happens, we'll be the first they'll call. I've been promised we will be, if we're ever needed.
I don't feel "ready" to say yes to the chaos for if/when that call comes, but ready isn't a feeling, it's a decision. And our decision is already made, our answer would absolutely be yes. Yes to all who were here before and their little sister too. Whether that be today, tomorrow, months or years from now, I think our answer will continue to be yes. We are passionately predisposed to say yes to their siblings. They're family, and they are welcome and wanted here.
As far as I know? They are doing WELL! As far as I know. We haven't heard a word from them since April. Their case should be closed now, custody returned, parental rights restored. They should be doing well. Older two should be in school now, probably kindergarten and 1st grade. Younger two might be staying home with dad while mom works her full time job, or they may be attending a daycare, I really don't know. Honestly the roles could be reversed and him be working now and her staying home with the younger kiddos, but I don't know, I only know the last updates I'd heard, and those were back in April. In April they reached out, kids were doing great in school, mom had a good job, and I think dad was stay at home parent. Since that one conversation, Jared has tried several times to start up conversation again, but there's been no response. It's at a point again that we probably will quit reaching out, and just wait for them to reach out first. This is hard for our kids, they miss their siblings, and they wonder if they'll ever see them again.
I have such big hopes and dreams for our future!!!! And one of those dreams is that one day things will be GOOD between us and their birth parents. I dream that our kids will KNOW their birth parents growing up. That they won't just know them by the stories they've been told, but that they'll know them themselves. It may just be a visit to the park every once in a while, I don't know, but I want them to have their own personal memories of having spent time with them. That they'll remember the last time they saw them, and that they'll look forward to when they see them again. I don't think that hope for the future is too high, but sometimes it feels like it is, like right now, when we haven't heard from them month after month after month...
But anyway, I'm going to try to keep my hopes up! And whether more kids come here, or they don't, our story is still unfolding, it's not over yet. And I choose to believe, that when it is? When it is over? It'll be good. It's going to be good. And it's going to be a story God has written that is all our own.