Mine and my hubby's immediate families both live in IL. So when we go visit one, we visit the other too, it just changes who's house we stay at. I tend to get caught up in emotions. And right now the emotions I've been getting caught up in are the infertile ones. The being jealous of every pregnant person I see. The being heartbroken when people think I'm just waiting to have kids. The slight anger I feel at pregnant teenagers. And so on and so forth. I love my family dearly, and I love my husbands family dearly, but visiting either is getting harder for different reasons.
My family? I have a brother who is less than a year old, the world revolves around him. My family knows I really want to be a mom, but they don't know it can be difficult for that to happen for some people.
His family? Both of his step-siblings have a kid (out of wedlock I might add). And step-mom is LOVING being a grandma. Her world revolves around them. So even when they are not there... she's telling us to "get our butts moving" or she's telling us about how she doesn't have any grandSONs yet, and that we should fix that. Next time she tells me anything like that, I'm gonna snap! "I've been getting my butt moving since the day I got married!! Nothing has happened yet!!!! So just leave me alone!!!!!"
Anyways.... we went to visit last weekend. We stayed at my parents house. My husband held my baby brother half the time we were there (he loves babies). It made me happy seeing how much he enjoyed spending time with my 9month old baby brother, but it also made me very sad. I know my husband would be a great dad, every time I see him with a little one it reminds me of just how much I want to see him be a father. That child was my brother and not our son, so I was sad.
We stopped by to visit my husband's family before we left town. We had just seen them recently so we didn't feel we needed to stay long. By the time we left, I was soooo ready to be out of there. Why? Because my step-mother-in-law gave me a late birthday present. Half of the present I love! (cooking stuff) The other half??? She gave me 3 books. All three are about raising your child in a Christian home, with the words "motherhood" or "mom" in the title. She then told me that she's been giving these books to all of the new mom's she knows. I grinned... and nodded... and didn't say a word. As soon as we left their drive-way, I cried and showed the books to my husband. As you can imagine, I don't plan to keep those books. Unless they are to raise my cat and dog in a Christian home, I may never need them.
I try to push these emotions aside, bottle them up, put them in the back of my mind. But this trip was really difficult for me. At this rate my next poem will be about my families and how they just don't get it. Anyways thanks for stopping by and seeing how I'm doing.
