.....Cycle Day 9.....
Tomorrow Jared and I will have been married for three years. Three years!!! This is not where we expected to be three years into our marriage.When we got married Papa Lee was talking about retiring in three years. Retiring and handing the family construction business over to Jared. Papa Lee retired this year, but not like he had planned. Papa retired because the family business had no business anymore. They were making so little profit that it was costing more just to keep the business open. So this year Papa retired because he had to close it. Jared did not have this huge responsibility of running the family business handed over to him like we imagined. Instead... he had no job. Now Jared is currently working at Walmart.
We thought in three years I would be a stay at home mom. I would be a stay at home mom, very possibly pregnant with our second child. Instead I am playing substitute mom at someone else's home raising their child. I am now on my second nanny job. I have never been pregnant, and am planning to visit the doctor as soon as I can to find out if there is anything wrong with my body.
When my family comes to visit me... I feel like I JUST left home. Like we just got married a month or two ago. Even though now I have another brother... One of my siblings has graduated high school.... And two of my siblings have their driver's license. But they are all doing pretty much the same things as when I left. None of them have left home... none of them have a job... none of them are in a relationship.... And of course none of them are aunt's or uncle's yet... Bleh. I think things would feel different if when they came to visit me, if I were a mom. If when they came to visit they weren't just my parents and my siblings, but also my child's grandparents, aunts, and uncles.
Three years... Three years.... We have bought a house. I bought a car. We have a dog and a cat. Jared's mother passed away. The family business fell apart. We've been on food stamps. We've lost our health insurance. Jared's lizard passed away. Friends have been made. People have gotten married. Babies have been born. We have laughed, we have cried. We have gained a bunch of weight, and have lost most of it. These last three years haven't been the easiest, and I'm sure the next three won't be either. But I hope they will be a bit easier....
Even though so much has changed over these last three years, I feel like I'm still at the beginning. I was raised that you get married so you can start your family. I got married three years ago, but my family has not started. I feel as though things have been paused, I haven't really gone anywhere yet.
I am looking very forward to celebrating three years with my wonderful husband tomorrow!!! I love my Jared so very much! We're just... not where we'd thought we'd be now.
