....Cycle Day 32....
Now that Jared and I have reached the three year mark (October 25th) in our marriage I quickly noticed something: People started asking "When are you going to have kids?". In less than three weeks I can remember at least three times we have been asked this question. When we first got married I was often asked if I was pregnant. It might have been because we got married so young... but more likely it was because everyone knew how much I wanted to be a mom.
When I was in high school people would ask "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I would always answer "A wife and mother". By the time I graduated everyone knew my answer. We had to come up with some other more creative answer to put on the graduation slid show though, wanting to be a wife and mother isn't exactly what people want to hear.
And then I gained about 30lbs... in the first year of being married. So I started to watch what clothes I wore when we visited people. I didn't want them asking if I was pregnant because I looked it. (Btw I've lost 20lbs this year! Hoping to lose 5 more)
During that first year of our marriage, we often got advice about waiting to have kids. Or people would ask if we had children, and they would tell us how great it was that we didn't. But seeing as I've always wanted to be a mom... I was married and had no reason to wait... I found it quite rude them saying such things. We were only married 3 months before we started "trying". And of course everyone thought that was crazy. Oh well... we're past that...
Not long after our second anniversary, people quit asking if I was pregnant. Everyone now assumed we were waiting. A choice that everyone approved. While everyone around us kept having babies. While my mother got pregnant with her seventh child. While I started getting very depressed about not having ever been pregnant.... People left us alone with the questions. Our journey to parenthood became something of a secret, and I bottled most of my feelings inside.
But now we've had our third anniversary. So everyone around us is going "Hey why don't you have kids yet?" "When are you going to start having little ones?". We tend to answer with things like "When God says it's time." "If it was up to me we'd already have kids." "We're trying." "Hopefully soon.".
After over a year of emotional ups and downs of trying to get pregnant.... Over a year of people trying to convince us it's a good thing we don't have kids yet.... Over a year of every time I would tell someone we were trying of being told how young we are.... I dunno, the subject just feels forbidden. You quit telling people you want kids because you know they won't understand. And now... Now they think we should have them?
Why do people think just because we've been married three years means we should start our family now? Is that how the world works? Three years to yourselves and then share it with children? I don't get it. But now since they think we should be having kids...
I think year three will be filled with advice. Yay... After three years I have done lots of research about getting pregnant. Well about all the ways without medical type help. I know I can't possibly know everything, but most of the people in my life have no idea about infertility. So getting advice from people who got pregnant as soon as they stopped taking preventative measures? Yeah... The first bit of advice I got was how maybe I'm using the wrong position.
Anyways... I'm thankful to have blogger to help me reach people who understand. And... I'm sorry this post is so long! Wow I can be chatty, now can't I? lol