Hanging out with two pregnant women... Sometimes it really hurts. Listening to them talk of boy or girl... How she's carrying, dreams she's had, who says she's having what.....
My mother-in-law Ms Carrie told me once she had a very vivid dream that I gave birth to a boy. But I can't tell that story now... I am not pregnant... And my story wouldn't fit.
I once had a very real dream I had a girl. I named her Regina Alexis. I breast fed her and she latched on at first try. I woke up still feeling her in my arms. But I can't tell that story... I am not pregnant... It doesn't matter.....
Oh how I want my own child... Oh how I want to tell my stories... How I want to talk of all the many names we have discussed over the years. But... I can't. Especially not right now.
So I run to the bathroom. Send you this message. Hope my feelings to disguise. I shall bottle this up. Conceal it well. Make sure to dry my eyes. Hope no one asks if I'm ok... cause I'm not.
Spending time with my dear friend Cherish, who is due next month, is getting more difficult as the time draws near for that precious little one to enter into this world. Her friend Kota, who is becoming my friend, is very excited about her new pregnancy and doesn't make things easier on me. However she has no idea how I am dealing myself, so I mustn't be upset with her carrying on and on about such things.
I do not wish to ever leave this bathroom right now, with my emotions gone haywire. Oh please LORD, please make this easier on me.....
*washes her face with a cold rag before leaving*
