....Cycle Day 5....
Early yesterday morning my dear friend Cherish gave birth to Elleanor Jolea. Throughout the day it made me very sad remembering just how much I wish I had my own baby. I cried several times.... And ended up with a migraine that almost made me sick. It was NOT a fun day. Every time I would think of little Elleanor I would cry... I would cry because Jon & Cherish now have what I've been dreaming about for so many years. And.. I don't know when or if my dream will ever come true. We were invited over to meet Elleanor last night, and I truly didn't think I'd be able to handle it. I prayed that God would give me the peace and comfort through it all... And I survived last night. My husband got off work very late last night. Because of him getting off so late I was able to take a nap when I got home, and my migraine went away. Because he got off late we didn't get to Jon and Cherish's until after 8pm when all other friends had already left. It made it easier not having everyone around ooing and awwing over every little detail of the new baby. So I praise God for Jared getting off work late last night.
I had trouble with my emotions on the drive over there just as I did all day. We managed to find some songs to sing to help get my emotions back under control before we arrived. I had trouble looking at Elleanor when we first got there too... But when I held her... When I finally picked her up... Peace just washed over me. It didn't matter anymore that she wasn't my child. All that mattered at that moment was that Elleanor was a precious miracle created by God. All that mattered was how beautiful and little she was.... And all I wanted to know was everything about her. I had some trouble with my emotions on the way home, but in trying to leave I didn't want to say goodbye. I pray God will be as merciful on my emotions watching Elleanor grow up as He was last night while meeting her.
And I praise God for my husband! I love him so much!! Jared doesn't get upset with how emotional things make me. He was understanding and he told me last night that if I didn't want to go... We wouldn't go. On the way there he searched for songs to help get my mind off things. And then while laying in bed last night I whispered to Jared "I want one of those" and he squeezed my hand and replied "me too". I never imagined I would go through infertility. But I am so very thankful that I have Jared by my side through all of this. Knowing that he's there for me and that he wants the same thing I do.... It helps.
