Last night I laid and dreamed about what if I were pregnant now... We've decided that next year for our 5th anniversary we are going to renew our vows. Just a little anniversary party at a cozy coffee house with our close relatives and a couple friends. We're planning to get new rings too because ours aren't working so well for us, doing lots more searching this time so we get just the right rings. Anyways... Last night as I was dreaming about being pregnant I was thinking how if I were right now the baby would be about 3 months old then. And that maybe we could do a vow renewal/baby dedication, I mean everyone would already be there, right? And it could be really sweet to have them at the same time. I don't know... But I was dreaming... Would I give our daughter a bracelet? What if it were a boy? I wouldn't want him wearing a gown, that looks weird. Maybe I could get him, or make him, a little vest and pants. Would I hold him while we exchanged vows? That might be hard with the exchanging rings... Would I have someone up there to hold him for me? I wouldn't fit in the dress I was planning to wear if I had had him only 3 months ago. I wonder if I could find a fancy nursing dress... But then maybe I won't have a baby yet and will instead be really pregnant, then I will need to find a maternity dress instead.....
So before the end of my daydreaming I was already imagining that this month might not be our month after all. This morning I did dream a little more about if I were right now, that maybe I could get a test on our anniversary if I hadn't started yet and maybe it would be positive and I could tell Jared while we're gone camping and and and..... "God a baby would be a really awesome anniversary present..."
My husband told me this morning "Not to be mean, but I hope you start tomorrow." And my dreams deflated. I know he hopes that this'll be our month, but I'm a little sad Jared didn't throw in the "or you need to be pregnant" when he said he hopes I start tomorrow. Because if I start tomorrow it'll be over in time for our anniversary. And if I start tomorrow the worst of it will be over before we do concessions Saturday with our friends. I know if I start this month that tomorrow would be the best day, but I don't want to start tomorrow..... *sigh* .... I want to be pregnant........