Wednesday night I was sitting with this lady, Shawna, who has a 14 month old girl. They come to our church here and there and I haven't really gotten the chance to talk to her much. Well this Wednesday she came and I learned a lot more about her, and learned that she is currently 5 months pregnant. I thought she might have been pregnant.... but I didn't want to assume, ya know? I think Shawna has the potential of being a new good friend of mine, I hope she will.
And then last night... I don't think the announcement would have bothered me so much if I hadn't already learned of two pregnancies this week. But I managed to hold it together until the ride home, yay me! I've mentioned my wonderful friend Cherish before, love her! She's my closest friend around here. And her little 9 month old girl, Ellie, I miss dearly when we haven't seen each other in a while. And Jonathan is probably my husband's best friend. I mean we just love these guys! And I've known that they want their family to continue growing, but I've been happy every time I've heard that she wasn't pregnant again yet. Well last night when the cookies were going in the oven Cherish said, "So since we have celebratory cookies, should we share our news?". Yeah... I knew as soon as she said "celebratory cookies.." that she was going to make the pregnancy announcement. And of course she did.
This has been a very rough week on my emotions. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for all the lovely ladies that are with child. And I hope to be there for them throughout their pregnancies. But I am having a really hard time not playing the "Why not me?!" game today.
Wednesday night we broke up into men's and women's prayer groups. And the ladies prayed over my fighting depression over not having had a child yet. I wish this not having a kid thing wasn't so hard! I feel like there's this new-mom's club and I'm the only one not a part of it. So I talk about Blakely as if she were my own. I mean I do spend all my time with her... It gets my foot in the door to their club, but I'm just an impostor, I'm not really a mom and they all know it. I just have "a mother's heart"....
And then last night... I don't think the announcement would have bothered me so much if I hadn't already learned of two pregnancies this week. But I managed to hold it together until the ride home, yay me! I've mentioned my wonderful friend Cherish before, love her! She's my closest friend around here. And her little 9 month old girl, Ellie, I miss dearly when we haven't seen each other in a while. And Jonathan is probably my husband's best friend. I mean we just love these guys! And I've known that they want their family to continue growing, but I've been happy every time I've heard that she wasn't pregnant again yet. Well last night when the cookies were going in the oven Cherish said, "So since we have celebratory cookies, should we share our news?". Yeah... I knew as soon as she said "celebratory cookies.." that she was going to make the pregnancy announcement. And of course she did.
This has been a very rough week on my emotions. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for all the lovely ladies that are with child. And I hope to be there for them throughout their pregnancies. But I am having a really hard time not playing the "Why not me?!" game today.
Wednesday night we broke up into men's and women's prayer groups. And the ladies prayed over my fighting depression over not having had a child yet. I wish this not having a kid thing wasn't so hard! I feel like there's this new-mom's club and I'm the only one not a part of it. So I talk about Blakely as if she were my own. I mean I do spend all my time with her... It gets my foot in the door to their club, but I'm just an impostor, I'm not really a mom and they all know it. I just have "a mother's heart"....
