I've been feeling rather depressed lately. That lovely hollow feeling in my chest has returned. It's time to get back to work as a nanny, school year is starting soon...
I have hijacked my boss's mother's day plant and have put it in the restroom/laundry room that I use while I'm at work. The pot was decorated with Blakely's feet during Occupational Therapy. I got the privilege of writing "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY 2013" on the top rim. Though she was excited about the potted plant, and said how cute it was.... It's been ignored. The plant hasn't had a single flower bloom since she got it. So now I have put it where I can enjoy it and hopefully the flowers will return. Before such a thing probably wouldn't bother me, but now? Now it hurts to see someone else's mother's day plant sit forgotten and die. I will not let it die on my watch.
Jared just had his 25th birthday! I remember us talking back when I was 21, and we had been trying for a year, looking into adoption. I remember finding the age range they look for in adoptive parents starting at the age of 25. I remember telling Jared that if nothing happened by the time we were both 25 that we would look more into adoption then. He's 25 now, I will be in January, time's running out....
I have an appointment on August 12th with Dr. MG, my ob/gyn. Before we can talk about fertility stuff, I have to get my annual exam done (yay). There is so much I'm not looking forward to about this appointment. First the cost. Then the annual exam. I've got a couple of ugly bumps I don't want anyone to see down near my female parts (embarrassing!). We'll talk about my husband's semen analysis results, which we have already heard he has low motility. And then... Well I don't talk about sex to anyone but my husband. I don't feel comfortable talking about it with my mom. Most of my female friends are unmarried, so no going there. And then there's you guys! lol. Doing some research I've found what is probably one of our problems, I lack having much CM. Sometimes it is uncomfortable how dry I am. I've read how there is supposed to be blood that flows into my female parts making them swell, while the rest relaxes.... That rarely happens. And thinking back on things, I've been having this problem for at least 4 years now. So my husband having slow swimmers, and I not having much for them to swim in, maybe that's all our problem? I don't know, but it makes me depressed thinking we have issues.
Yesterday at church I was asked to take the lead in planning Cherish's Diaper Shower. Since she had another girl all they really need is diapers. And seeing as such, it's really supposed to be more of a "pamper the mom" party. The church will be paying for her to get a manicure, pedicure, and her hair done. And I am the lucky girl, being her best friend, who gets to go with her to these appointments on my day off to hold the baby. Abby nurses so she'll have to stay near by mom. And this will be on the 13th, the day after my exam! It could be a wonderful day getting to spend some quality time with one of my closest friends.... Or it could be torturous celebrating her second time around motherhood. God I pray it's the first...
In other news, Jared just started back to plumbing school. It's on Monday and Tuesday nights from now until December. Unless they get out early, he won't be home until 11pm. I dread going home to a quiet house knowing my husband won't be home until after I fall asleep.
