I don't like making phone calls to set up appointments. I don't like going to the doctor by myself. I'm not really the leader type, but a follower. I'm great at following directions. I like planning sometimes. I love coming up with ideas. I'm just not very good at putting my plans and ideas into motion. It scares me. I feel overwhelmed. I feel I don't have a clue what I'm doing. It always feels over my head. I don't like that feeling that someone might know that I don't know what I'm doing. My mom always took charge. I remember when she'd take me to the doctor she would do all the talking for me. If I wanted to order something, or take lessons, or I don't know what, she'd probably be the one doing the research to set it up. I believe I am a co-dependant person. I'm working on that...
Anyways... New things scare me. I do not like venturing out on my own. I am going to be 25 soon. There is a thought I've connected with that age for a while now. And that thought is adoption. I think it was a little before I started this blog that I was looking up adoption information. We had been married for over a year without a pregnancy. I was sad, depressed, and looking for other options. When looking at adoption I remember seeing an age range that they look for in adoptive parents. The low end was 25. I was 21 at the time and Jared 22. I remember telling him that if we didn't have a kid by the time we were both 25, we would start the adoption process. I can't believe that time is almost here....
My cycle just started today. And that means only one more chance to be pregnant before I'm 25. I really don't see that happening. I have next to zero faith that I will be pregnant before my birthday. The whole adoption process absolutely terrifies me. I don't have a clue where to start. I know several things that need done, I know a couple places to look, but no idea how to do either. And my husband I'm pretty sure knows less than I do about all of it.
There will be lots of phone calls. Lots of fund raising. Lots of appointment made with different people. I'm going to have to come up with ideas and put them into motion. If adopting were easy, lots more people would do it. How we live from paycheck to paycheck I'm not even sure we'd be approved to adopt a child. I feel God will provide for our needs no matter how large our family is, but that doesn't mean anyone else will see it that way.
When you make the decision you want to adopt.... Where do you start? Do you select an adoption agency first? I know a children's home I think I'd like to look into if we adopt a child, do I call them? Do I start with raising funds because I know we can't afford an adoption with how things stand? Or maybe we start with the fingerprinting and background check because I think those are involved and we could get them out of the way?
I just don't know... Right now I'm trying to prepare my heart and mind for what I feel is just around the corner. I'll be 25 in less than two months....