I'm so brokenhearted! And for more than one reason.
I've been brokenhearted since Friday night when our friends Jon and Cherish announced to us that they'll be gone for the summer. Jonathan and Cherish are our closest friends here! Jonathan is also the pastor at our church. We see them Sundays at church and often hang out afterwards. We see them Wednesday nights. We quite often hang out with them on Thursday, Friday, or Saturday just because. So our typical week includes seeing them about 3 times! And did I mention their little girls?! Ellie is 2 and Abby is 9mos. They love us! I love them sooo much, and Jared does too. Those little girls have really bonded with us the last few months and now they'll be gone for a while. Ellie talks about us when we're not there. Abby crawls to us, climbs up on us, smiles real big when she sees us... Ellie climbed up in a chair with Jared recently and laid her head on Jared and said "My Jared". They are so little I'm scared they'll forget us while they're gone. Plus Abby is so close to walking right now, she'll be running when they get back, she'll be like a different kid! They are starting to move their stuff there this week, I don't know how much more we'll see them before they're moved. I know this summer job could turn into a more permanent position and I hope that doesn't happen because I want them to come back here. I know all my reasons for wanting them here are selfish ones and since God wants them there I need to let it go, but it's hard. I pray God only wants them there for a few months...
The other reason I'm brokenhearted is because of something I saw on facebook just a moment ago. My mom's best friend has a daughter about my age who was married and struggling with infertility like me, so of course my mom and her mom told us about each other. So anyways... That was a couple or few years ago now. She is a friend of mine on facebook and I stalk her from time to time. Her name is Katrina and her younger sister, Heather, married one of my old best friends (so I have more reason to keep tabs on her, right?). Well when Heather announced she was pregnant last fall I felt sad for Katrina thinking it must be hard on her having her younger sister pregnant first, then I found out Katrina and her husband were separated. I don't know what happened, just that her husband moved out. So when I saw on facebook today that Katrina is pregnant my hopes soared thinking her and her husband must have got back together and now they are going to have a baby! But... I was wrong. Katrina is engaged to someone new and she has a baby due in November. I don't know the story. I want to feel excited for her... I want to congratulate her... I want to be happy that she's not an infertile anymore.... I.... I just keep thinking this isn't how it was supposed to happen, but this is how it happened and... it breaks my heart. I can picture someone reading this and being mad at me pretty much saying I have no right to be heartbroken over someone else's decisions in life. Life isn't a fairytale. Life isn't perfect. People are going to make choices that I'm not going to agree with and it has nothing to do with me and it shouldn't affect me like it does so I need to just grow up already. But so what? It does break my heart how things happened. I'm sure I'll be happy for her later, but for now... It's not in me to be happy for the situation.
This has already been a hard week for me and it's not over!
Thursday DCFS lady in our county called to set up an in-home consultation with us, it'll be May 1st. Which means less than a week until my house needs to make a good first impression towards us becoming foster/adoptive parents. Ahh!
Friday my friends announce their moving for the summer (possibly longer). I managed not to shed a tear Friday night, but balled my eyes out all Saturday morning. Sunday I held it together again, but cried once we were back home. Oh look I'm in tears again thinking about it... bleh.
Monday I found out that the kid I thought I would be watching this summer we waited too long to give an answer and now she's set up to attend a daycare. Just when I was starting to get excited about entertaining a 6 year old girl in my home! Dreaming of all the things we could do together... Then thinking how it might help the summer go by quicker while my friends are gone... Yeah..
Also on Monday I felt awful for half the day feeling like I'd started my period. I was a day late so I kind of was expecting it anyway. It finally made it's appearance just before I went to bed, though I still felt awful.
Now it's Tuesday! I physically feel better, emotionally I'm still a bit of a mess. Then I find out about my kinda-sorta-used to be an infertile-friend who is engaged and pregnant. Doesn't help my emotional state, plus I'm clearly not pregnant myself because I'm on my period. Yay me!
Wednesday there is a Health Fair near us that has lots of great things to offer according to the newspaper, so I plan to go. On the way out I'll probably donate blood at the bloodmobile they say will be there. That'll be fun...
I don't know what Wednesday night will bring since our minister, Jonathan, has temporarily? resigned. I don't even want to think about it... Jonathan is probably my favorite Bible teacher I've ever had. I've learned so much about a relationship with God and how He views His children and... Well I'm really going to miss having Jonathan as a teacher this summer. I don't know who will fill in for him at our church while he's not there and we may end up somewhere else... Like I said I don't really want to think about that right now.
Thursday is when we'll have the in-home consultation. This will be the first step that isn't just paperwork. I'm quite nervous about it and hope Jared makes it home before she gets here. I really want to make a good first impression. And I want our house to make a good first impression too.
On that note I should probably get back to tiding up our house. I have hopes that Friday night with be a date night since the school near us is putting on a play that Jared has already agreed to take me to (I love school plays). And then Saturday Jared has a cousin who is getting married and I hope we will attend because quite frankly I love weddings. It's a busy crazy week that I hope has happy endings all around, I just hope I survive the busy crazy... =)