At least one

I was thought I was having inplantation bleeding. It lined up perfectly with the charts for when we had sex and when my next period was due. It was just a light pink spotting. And then after a tiny bit of that for 48 hours.... My period started a few days early. I'm disappointed and slightly relieved that I'm not pregnant. It hurts that another year has gone by without a pregnancy, but part of me feels like that is my own fault. When we talk about wanting to adopt everyone tells us of stories where couples decided to adopt and then got pregnant, I've told God I don't want that to be us. I'm ok with getting pregnant after a child is already in our home, but I don't want to get pregnant before then. I asked Jared the whole question about "If I were pregnant now, would you still want to become foster parents?" know what he said? Yes. He said we could still help at least one kid. I love my husband. With all the classes learning of the things so many foster kids have been through... Part of it weakens my resolve to become foster parents as it scares me not knowing in advance what kind of issues our first foster kid might have. But for my husband I think learning about this stuff strengthens him as he wants to help those children even more. So pregnancy or no, I think our plan in becoming foster parents is to help at least one kid. I get stressed easily, but if I keep in mind a goal of helping one kid, I think I can manage this. After helping the first then maybe I'll be ready to help another, but that's not something I need to think about right now. I hate how people think we haven't got pregnant cause they assume we've been "trying too hard". Well it's been at least a year of not trying at all and I'm still not pregnant. If I got pregnant now they would think they were right and I hate people gloating, especially when they are wrong. I think most infertile people know more about the science of getting pregnant than people who have been pregnant themselves, but yeah. :\