I've been feeling depressed the last few days, I want to blame the weather because it's been so dreary out, but that's probably not the actual cause for the feeling. I just feel all heartbroken and sad. The desire to be a mom feels so strong right now and it hurts. I don't know why all those feelings have bubbled up to the surface the last few days, but I wish they would go away. Maybe it's because I haven't had any little kid hugs for a couple of weeks now. I don't care how weird it sounds - I crave the hug of a child! With all my younger siblings I never cared when they started giving out kisses, they are wet and gross and I don't want them. But I love when they start giving hugs. Squeezy hugs, patty-on-the-back hugs, snuggly hugs... Hugs are the best!
Saw my family over Christmas week. My brother Stuart is 4 and he wouldn't give me any hugs, very sad. Our best friends moved back, but we haven't seen them in over 2 weeks! So no hugs from Ellie and Abby in a while. One of the things I loved about being Blakely's nanny was all I had to do was ask for a hug and she'd come running. With the holiday break I haven't seen her in a couple weeks either. But today I get to give her a ride to speech therapy though so hopefully she'll give me a big squeeze when she sees me. =)
I need hugs. Hugging my husband or hugging a cat is just not the same. The love of a child is precious. I know when we get a foster child they won't love me, not from the beginning, just as I won't feel attached to them. But I hope we'll both grow to love each other and I'll get little kiddo hugs from them eventually.
Gosh I don't like being depressed! lol. I think I'll go freshen up my coffee, maybe it'll perk me up.
