.....Today cycle day 33....
This last month has been a mess! I got fired from my nanny job. I got a new job at McDonald's. We have been crazy busy. I ran out of my FertilAid vitamins. I haven't bothered using any ovulation tests. Lots of stress. Had no appetite for almost 2 weeks. I have drank plenty of caffeine. I have eaten horribly. And I feel there is no way I am pregnant!!!! Yet..... I wonder if I am? Could I possibly be? Of course it's possible.... Yet I feel like it's not. I wish I had at least one test left... So in the morning I could find out for sure. But I promised myself I wouldn't do that, not unless I was at least one WEEK late. My cycles are all over the place! I think that vitamin I was taking might have helped... but I don't really know if it did or if it was just a coincidence.
I don't feel like I'm going to start at all! But I'm terrified tomorrow will be the day. Tomorrow I have to work 8am-3pm. If I start then... I'll be cramped up and miserable most of the time I'm there. Which makes me wish if I'm going to start, that I'll start on Thursday (CD 35). But if it waits until then I'll want to take a test, because I'll be a week late. But do I buy tests tomorrow if I don't start?
I fear if I take a test Thursday morning it will be negative like all the rest have been. My heart will be broken once again. And then a few hours later.... I'll start. (wouldn't be the first time)
I don't know which I count down to more: The day I can take another pregnancy test.... Or the day my period comes again and I can get started on the next month. Is that sad? (i think it is)