.....Cycle Day 26.....
We've been going to the same church for almost three years now (Jared for a bit longer). And though we've made a friend or two there.... It doesn't feel like our church family. Those people who are there for you, who understand, who take the time to know how you are doing. So recently we've decided to try our friends Jon & Cherish's church (Jon's the minister there). It's a very very tiny church consisting of one or two people of just about every age (us being the early 20's). Even though we've only been there a few times, we already feel like we are connecting with this church. Last night the men and women (there were only 5 of us total) split into prayer groups. The two older ladies I was with, one talked about people they know with cancer. The other talked about a pregnant girl in an abusive marriage. Then..... they turned to me, wanted to know if there was anything I wanted to pray about.
I have sooo much fear in me right now. Back in April I had a different nanny job, and Jared was working part time McDonald's. We had so much more going out each month than was coming in. When I lost my nanny job, it hurt and I wasn't sure how we were going to make it. That same day I was let go, we went and applied for food stamps. Those food stamps helped us out soooo much!! Such a blessing to have that. Then no matter how tough things got, I knew we could still eat.
Things have changed a bit since then. Jared is now working part time Walmart, and I'm working as a full time nanny for someone else. Jared's job is enough that it pays our bills. My job takes care of my car payments, saving up for next years taxes, gas, and a bit extra here and there. It's time for DHS to see if we still qualify for our food stamps card.
I know we are in a much better place now..... I know things won't be the same as they were..... I know that if they take the card away we'll be able to manage.... But we've leaned so heavily upon those food stamps being there.... I'm terrified the stress will all come back like before we got it. Those horrible feelings when money was so tight, felt like I was being suffocated, choked, could barely breathe. Those memories flood back over me, and... I don't want to go back!
Anyways... We prayed about that situation. And about this amazing job interview that Jared has this Friday. If he get that job... We won't be worrying about money anymore. But I'm not going to get my hopes up, last one we got excited about didn't turn out. So... yeah...
Oh and of course I told them all about that fear that I'm never going to have kids. lol. As you can imagine these two lovely ladies saw poor lil ol Suzanna cry last night. Fun times. I'm just so happy they didn't start telling me all the reasons it's a "good thing" I don't have kids yet. Even though I don't really know these ladies, and they don't know me.... It felt like they were there for me, and would be there for me. I think this church might work out. =)