The last couple of years I've been able to avoid mother's day... without even meaning to!
I'm fairly co-dependant, and at the church we were going to at this time last year I didn't feel I could go by myself. When I would go by myself the older women would joke that I was a widow that day. I.... I could not handle being called a widow, even if it was just a "joke". So whenever Jared couldn't make it to church because he was sick or had to work, I just wouldn't go. Last year Jared was working on mother's day, so we completely forgot what day it was until we saw the bulletin at church that night! Guess we missed it... Click here if you want to read last year's post.
The year before that we had our belated honeymoon. Again we had no clue what weekend it was. We didn't know it was on mother's day until we were checking out of our cabin and they asked us if we were there to celebrate mother's day. That wasn't exactly how I wanted the weekend to end...
This year I was hoping to skip town and go camping, but unfortunately Jared's cousin called up wanting to bring his family for a visit, just happening to be on the weekend of mother's day. So with having guest at our house... no skipping town. Bummer...
The reason I wanted to skip town is because we're going to a new church. Now don't get me wrong.... I love this church! We've been going regularly since about November I think, maybe a little earlier. Anyways that's not the point. I do love this church, they feel like a family, and we are much more involved in what's going on. And being involved... I overheard the planning about what they wanted to do for mother's day. Heard them talking about needing to buy roses to hand out to all the mothers.... And I bolted from the room hoping to not hear any other plans. I didn't want to go being the only married woman there without a rose. (it's a good thing i don't post very often... i'm not even half way through...)
Here's how this mother's day went for me: First I woke up dreading the day. I tried to dress cute to help raise my spirits. I put on make up even though I knew I would cry. A friend text me and he was hyper which helped me feel some better. I told him about cutting my hair short, and he asked to see (lives far away), and when he saw he said I was beautiful, which made me smile. Cousin, his girlfriend, and their two kids didn't get moving early enough to come to church with us (and it made me happier knowing she wouldn't be getting a rose [both kids were outta wedlock accidents... i have some prejudice issues still against such..]).
Sunday school at church was normal. There was several "happy mother's day"s going around.. but the lesson wasn't themed or anything. When prayer requests came some asked for prayers for all of those who don't have their mother's anymore, knowing how difficult this day must be for them. Have you ever said "unspoken" when prayer requests were called for? I think I have, but it's been a long time. I wanted to say "UNSPOKEN!" that morning... but I didn't. My prayer would have been for all the women out there who desperately want to be a mother, but are not, because I myself know how difficult this day can be for them. However I didn't say a word. I stayed pretty quiet that morning. Now it was time for service.
Before service started I went and snagged Cherish's baby, Elleanor. Jared and I started sitting up in the front row a month or so ago, and usually it helps me to forget everyone else in the building while we worship. Worship was lovely getting to hold little Ellie. After we finished singing and sat down, she fell asleep. *wonders why she's giving a detailed play by play* Anyways... Here's what the big thing was that happened at church: After we finished singing Jon came down from the stage saying "The bible says we should honor our mothers. So I would like to us to take the time to honor each of the mothers here." Yep that's right, he wanted to honor them all individually! Jon would call so-n-so up, Cherish would hand her a rose, and Jon would ask if there was anyone who would like to say something about this woman. Then that woman's husband would say something... then a friend... then another friend... then Cherish would say something... the woman would be given a book and would then go back to her seat. This process happened maybe 10 times (small church). As I sat there watching the roses in the vase become fewer and fewer I tried not to think about myself. I tried to focus on what was being said about whomever. I'm an emotional person, so I was dabbing at my eyes the entire time. Ellie was taken from me when she woke up and got fussy. Still trying to focus on others I start counting how many are left to go. There's a girl who's visiting and looks like she just graduated high school, surely won't be getting a rose. Then there's two woman guests, who may or may not want to participate. Cherish who has been handing out the roses. And after all that the only other woman in the church is me. One of the guests went, the other didn't participate, and then it was Cherish. I had wonderful things I wanted to say about her, but was choked up and saved it for later. I'm sitting there thinking about how many times I've played the role of substitute mom, and how substitute mom's don't get to celebrate mother's day. Service is ending and we're getting ready to close out in prayer... When Miss Steveny stands up.
Miss Steveny sits in the way back corner. She stands up making her way to the front saying "There's a young lady here..." ...immediately I knew she was talking about me... "...who is a nanny and very much wishes to have her own child..." *she picks up a rose and motions for me to come to her. Jared gets up with me, and I start balling my eyes out* "...Her and her husband have been trying for a while and I know this day is hard for her. Would all the mothers please come pray for her with me?" Just thinking about it now brings tears. To have my hurt acknowledged... I don't know how to express. So many woman who care about me surrounding me and praying for me, knowing my deepest desire is to be a mom like they are. I was crying so hard the snort I'm sure you could have heard from outside! lol. Afterwards Cherish even gave me a mother's day card she had gotten for me. This mother's day.... I wasn't forgotten. I pray the next will have an even better story.