I love my friend Cherish and her baby girl Ellie. I really do. Her, her husband, and her baby are a big part of my life. Jared's best friends with Jonathan now. I think Cherish has moved up into a best friend category for me. And Ellie? Oh I love that little girl! And she clearly likes me. I think she likes me better than her grandparents! Anyways... It's usually not hard for me spending time with them. Usually being the key word.
Couple weeks ago was Ellie's baby dedication at church, her great grandfather did the ceremony. I cried almost all the way through it. It was such a special time for them. Seeing the joy on their faces.... It was too much. I was overwhelmed with emotions and just kept tearing up the whole time.
Ellie's 7 months old. They waited to do her baby dedication until all the family could be there. I got to meet Cherish's older brothers and their families. One of Cherish's brother's has 3 boys, and his wife is pregnant with a girl. Talk of babies was in the air. I went home thinking about how Cherish wants a big family..... and how she'll probably get it....
Last night sitting with my friends Cherish and Dakota, Kota asked Cherish if she's pregnant again. So-n-so guy friend seems to be getting someone else's weird pregnancy cravings. Sure you're not pregnant? And I inwardly sighed with relief that Cherish just had her period.
Everyone knows Jon & Cherish aren't stopping with their first. Everyone knows Jon wants a big family. Right after Cherish had her, Jon was already joking about, So when you gonna make me another one of these? Now that Cherish's period is back, Jon jokes about how she needs to get busy already, acts bummed that they aren't as fertile as they thought they were.
You know what Kota's comment made me realize? Everyone thinks Cherish will get pregnant with her second before I get pregnant with my first. She might get pregnant with her third, forth, and fifth one before me too, but I would like to be recognized! I mean.... I'm the one who has been trying for four years.... shouldn't my chances be higher than the woman who's still breastfeeding an infant? Her period has only been back for a couple of months.... Mine has never gone away once! I dunno. I just wish she would have asked me if I was pregnant first, or asked if either of us was pregnant. But she didn't even ask me. She didn't ask me at all. It could have been me.... right?
When I first got married everyone would ask me if I was pregnant, because they all knew I wanted to be. Then I gained a bunch of weight and was worried their asking was because they might think I looked pregnant. They quit asking after a year or two. And then I lost some of the weight I put on. When our third anniversary came around they started asking a different question, When are you two planning to have kids? So now that it's been almost four years everyone thinks we're just waiting to have kids. Everyone who doesn't know thinks that. But almost everyone does know we've been trying and I feel like.... like... like they've given up hope for me.
Everyone's always asking when Cherish is going to have her next one, when her current one is only 7 months old, and they don't even look at me anymore. To think it's been over a year since I found out Cherish was pregnant with Ellie and I still haven't even conceived.... Oh I hate it! It's been almost a year since Kota found out she was pregnant, Noah is 2 months old now. Her period isn't even back yet. Praise God she doesn't sound to be in a rush to have any more any time soon!
This is a long woe is me post.... Sorry.... Maybe I'll feel better after a nap...