Insensitive Joke

Sometimes the feelings of an infertile surprise me.  I'll see something, or read something, or hear something, and...  BAM!  I'll feel hurt, or jealous, or maybe even mad at something that probably wouldn't have any affect on someone who isn't an infertile.  This time around, it's a common joke parents like to make without any thought about what they are actually saying.  It's where parents will joke about giving away their child.

• "You want to go home with Mrs Judy?"
• "You want her?  You can have her."
• "If you think you can put up with her for the night, she's all yours."

These are the wonderful things I've been hearing this last week out of my dear friend's mouths.  Jon and Cherish used to joke the other way saying things like, "You can't go home with Suzanna, she might try to keep you.".  That joke didn't bother me nearly so much, because it was pretty well true.  I love their children very much, and would be more than happy to keep them as my own.  Now just to clarify, I am NOT a creeper who you have to worry about wanting to kidnap your child.  If you are an infertile like me, you probably know exactly what I'm talking about and I probably didn't need to say that.  Anyways...
    These new jokes they've been saying where they offer to give their child away.... they hurt me.  I often have to remind myself that they mean nothing by it.  I've tried joking back about how I've already got a car-seat in the car (I often still have a car-seat in my car from babysitting Blakely).  I've tried joking back about how I have a dog and a toy box and how she'd really like my place.  But joking back doesn't work.  It doesn't make things any better.
     As I try to joking back I wonder what her parents would think if I was being serious.  Do they not remember how much I want a child of my own?  Then I remind myself how much Ellie and Abby love their parents.  I remind myself how much Jon and Cherish love their children and would do anything to never have to give them up.  And in the end I'm left hurting or annoyed that they would say such a thing.  Because from the ears of an infertile for a parent to offer their children to me...  They offer me my dream, as a joke.  I don't think it's right for any parent to joke about giving their children away.  But for someone to joke about that to someone they know wants to be a mom...  That's just insensitive.

• "You can keep her, but I think you'll want to give her back when she gets hungry."

Ouch.  Thanks for the reminder that even if I wanted to I couldn't provide for all of Abby's needs because she nurses and I'm not lactating.  Ok so that one wasn't just insensitive, it was cruel.  But I know she said it completely unaware of the affect it would have on me.

Since Cherish is such a good friend of mine (and we happen to spend a LOT of our time with them) I think I might ask her to stop offering her children to me.  Because as an infertile, it hurts my feelings when she does.