We are second in line to keep our precious baby foster son, third in line for our dear toddler foster son. When you talk to the people at the office it doesn't seem this way. In fact the right conversation on the right day can have me convinced that both these wonderful little boys will forever be in our home. I dream of the future. I dream how we might change their names. I dream up conversations with them and others how I won't keep that they are adopted a secret. But what's hard to remember sometimes is just how temporary this could all be. I'm a full time stay at home mom today, but can you believe that if, say, my husband were to die not only would I lose my husband I wouldn't be a mom anymore. I don't think I'd have any choice in the matter. It could be something much smaller than that, like lack of insurance cards that could get my kids removed from my home because we're not following all the rules that are set for us as foster parents. What blows my mind is the fact that if I ever wanted to I could just say "I'm done" and they would be gone. Anyway, I'm getting way off topic... What was I saying? Water cooler chit chat. No matter what people say, it doesn't count for much until a judge rules one way or another. Stuck in limbo land.
Yesterday I had a visit from someone at the office I don't really like... Always tends to say something that is rude, or mean, or... I don't know that she thinks about what she's going to say before she says it. She asked about the kids cases like she cared to know how they were doing. But when I talked at all about adoption (and yes that's what we hope to do at some point) she seemed to think it ridiculous that we should get to keep either kid. Though their situations are very different and one we should get to keep if he goes up for adoption and the other there is a good chance we won't, they both have siblings and she felt that they should be with their siblings and not with us. She also thinks it ridiculous that we'd prefer to only get kids that we may have a chance at adopting some day. Yes I know foster is a temporary thing, that it is our job to support reunification, and we do! But why take a kid that may very well go up for adoption but know that you likely won't get to adopt them no matter how long you've had them and how attached they or you have gotten simply because they have siblings and you don't have room to take the others? Why do that to yourself or them if you can avoid it? Next time I hope to avoid taking part of a sibling group. What I'd like to do is free up some space, maybe get a larger vehicle, and hold out for a sibling group. If they go home, great! If a family member is trying to get them, wonderful! But if they go up for adoption and there isn't family trying to get them... They can stay. There wouldn't be any need for them to be removed from our house. That's what I want to do next. Even if it's just two kids, I want to provide a place they can stay together. Avoid filling our home with one kid here, one kid there, that way we can help a sibling bond stay strong. I don't mind nearly so much getting attached and them leaving to go home or to family, but getting attached and them leaving to go to an adoptive home that's not related... We're an adoptive home that's not related...
