....Cycle Day 32....
Couple weeks ago I finally spilled it all out to my pregnant friend Cherish about us trying to conceive. She had figured out by now from little comments here and there that we were trying.. But she was polite and didn't ask about it, figuring I'd tell her when I was ready. Now that she's 7 months pregnant... I finally decided I was ready to spill it, and I spilt it all. Well... at least most of it. I mean I even told her how I felt when I found out she was pregnant! Which I'm sure I never planned to tell her... lol. But her response to that was about how nice we were to them! That she remembers when they first found out they were pregnant... That her and Jon thought we were really great friends.
And I told her that I had made a conscience effort to STAY her friend. I think that sounds so sad! Choosing to stay someone's friend? Her getting pregnant before me wasn't her fault... But that doesn't change the sting I felt so often because of it. We'd only been friends for about 2 months.... I could have ended it there without anyone being the wiser. But I didn't do that, I chose to stay her friend through this. It was hard in the beginning, but now? Now it's not as bad as I thought it would be.
I'm worried about when the baby gets here.... I'm not excited about this baby being born.... And that makes me sad.... But right now being around a newborn hurts! When I'm around a newborn... That desire to be a mom overwhelms me! I know it's going to be very hard for me when Cherish's baby is born. But I hope that it'll be like her pregnancy, where it was hard for me at first.... but then it got easier.
Anyways..... Today we are going Christmas shopping! And... to her midwife appointment. I'm glad she asked me to tag along... Hanging out with her today should be fun. Focusing on the shopping and just hanging out... I'll survive. But this midwife appointment? I'm not sure if I'll be able to hold it together. Please pray I make it through today.